Day 03 // Put the Lime in the Coconut

Words by Stuart Downie

Photos by Alex Duffill and Tomás Montes

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This is the part of the race where riders are all over the place and it’s very hard to tell what’s happening – the map doesn’t help, a bellyache that can’t be relieved by conventional means. We’re here to help, morning or night.

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Before the sun is up, Control Team 2 have taken a hike. They haven’t got bikes with them, but there will be no shortage when they catch up to TPR riders crossing from the Benasque valley. When the sun finally rises they find a surprised Helge Meyer (053) hiking with his bike on his shoulder, looking somewhere between alpinist and alumnus of the Rough Stuff Fellowship.

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“It’s broke me a little bit,” he tells them. Don’t worry, Helge, you look amazing, and photographer Alex Duffill has the receipts. To hear his interview in full, listen to the podcast here.

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Joost Klarenbeek (066) had “the weirdest night ever” in Lourdes, but he wouldn’t be the first. Nine hundred years ago a shepherdess received a vision of the Virgin Mary, aka Jesus’s mum, aka Our Lady of Lourdes. When Joost tried to get a room in the town that receives five million pilgrims annually, he found there was no room at the inn. You might think you couldn’t make it up for the man wearing cap 66, one away from the number of the beast, so we did. Here’s a little poem:

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There once was a man named Joost
Who was spooked in his room by a ghost
He found it in bed
And now it is said
That Lourdes is a terrible host

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After a minor intervention, Joost found a place to sleep and was revived sufficiently to tell us this tale. If it turns out he’s a carpenter someone should write it all down.

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On the topic of holy sights for sore eyes, Ellena Brander (036) has modified her shorts. It was Monsal Head Hill Climb this weekend, a famous hill climb in England where riders will do all sorts of mad things to save weight for going uphill, like chopping the drops off their handlebars or drilling holes in their derailleurs. Ellena followed suit, perhaps unknowingly, by putting some holes in her bib shorts. After hanging them out to dry, they got tangled in her bike. Luckily, these new holes are the worst of it, although it’s a bit of a wait until San Sebastian’s fashion week next May. 

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Thomas Boury (109) and Tim de Witte (111) are racing to CP4, but they don’t seem to know it. They have taken separate routes to the control point. When Tim arrives first he’s asked if he wants to know where he is, but he waves the information away. It would only be a distraction. He’s thinking about food, his stomach empty. He doesn’t want to eat sugar. He wants soup, or yoghurt – possibly even both, but hopefully not at the same time.

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Thomas arrives a little later having had a coffee in Martinet just before the control point. He tells us he’s going to push the pace, which is what he said when we saw him at CP3, and we wonder how much more pushing is left. Jamie Lowden (060) arrives a little later and makes the first mention of McDonald’s: nuggets are in his future. Tomas Rongen (119) arrives with Maxime Agut (080) and warms the seat up for him, before also mentioning McDo’s, which holds a little more appeal in France than anywhere else… or at least we think so. Lucas Strittmatter arrives, eats his customary can of sardines, and removes his leg warmers for the first time in the race. He’s enjoyed the gravel, and we can see why – it’s where he can make a big difference, thanks to his offroad skills.

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From here, there are two routes to the coast and Parcours 5: through France or Spain. The latter is 50km shorter, but choosing France means 1000m less climbing and more McDonald’s opportunities. Based on what some of the above riders have already said, no points for guessing their preferences.

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Let’s not forget the pairs race – leading the way are Adrien Déglise (131a) and Gilles Hauser (131b), both keen hikers, enjoying the advantage that the hike-a-bike section gives them and the views on offer. Amy James (128a) and Katy Roberts (128b) who have admitted to underestimating the gravel sections, spending as much as 8 hours on the 45km of parcours, marvelling at the mix of wildlife – the aforementioned dead cow, toads, wild boar. This early experience saw the pair adjust their plan, slowing down significantly to hit the gravel on Parcours 2 in the daytime, but after all that, they found this section much more manageable. Timo Kellner (137a) and Markus Barden (137b) have been reviewing their kit choices, debating the benefits of carbon soles vs mountain bike shoes through the hike-a-bike, and taking note of the receding Aneto glacier.

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SCRATCH REPORT

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(055) Huw Owen - Rider scratched 21:41 CEST 5/10 via WhatsApp due to knee pain.

(049( Graham Fereday - Rider scratched 19:57 CEST 5/10 via WhatsApp due to fatigue.

(032) Dion Gerrits - Rider scratched 17:59 CEST 5/10 via WhatsApp due to knee pain.

(040) Florian Held - Rider scratched 19:03 CEST 5/10 via WhatsApp due to personal reasons.

(077) Luigi Galbiati - Rider scratched 14:24 CEST 5/10 via WhatsApp due to illness.

(044) Fredi Maeder - Rider scratched 9:56 CEST 5/10 via WhatsApp due to illness.